Today the hubby and I have been married for 138 days. When I saw that, my heart sank. How could I have missed our 100 day mark? I'm usually very good at keeping up with things like that. Life has been rather crazy lately, so I could use that as an excuse. Right? The hubby didn't remember either, so that makes it okay. Right? This doesn't make me a bad wife. Right? Right.
Sometimes I wonder if I am, and then I get mad at myself for even wondering that. While I dream of being a domestic diva and an absolute kick ass mom, my life goal isn't to be June Cleaver. I know that the man is supposed to be the head of the household and the bread winner, while the wife stays home to keep house and watch the children. In this day and age, you're lucky if you can do that. And while I wouldn't mind terribly to do that, it just doesn't seem possible given our current financial situation. So, with that being said. I work just as many hours a week as the hubby does, even though my job isn't as strenuous as his, it certainly is stressful. I believe its only fair that we divide up the household chores and cooking duties. Now, does it happen that way? No. I still end up doing a majority of the work around the house. In his defense, the hubby does wash his own clothes and we take turns washing dishes. He takes out the trash and if I need help with something, he'll do it. If I don't feel like cooking, he'll fix him something to eat. No big deal.
However, I always see women on Facebook talking about how they're doing this for their hubby and they're doing that for their hubby, or better yet "a woman's work is never done". And I instantly feel guilty. I feel like I'm not taking care of him like a wife should. Does that make sense? While I grew up in a home where my mother did everything for everyone of us (sometimes pops chipped in), I was still taught that I'm my own person and that I'm a man's equal. I feel that a marriage makes you a team, with both sides giving an equal amount of effort. While I'm not biblical scholar, I know that the Bible states that the man is the head of the house and he has the last say. But, I also know that the Bible also says the man should love his wife as Christ loved the church. While ultimately, I know if there ever was a big decision, whether I was against it or not, I would go with what he says. I just can't ever see us dealing with something like that. For the most part, we are usually on the same page. And for that, I am very grateful.
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i strongly doubt that you're a bad wife at all. the fact that you worry about this shows how dedicated you are and that you do put him first (even if, sometimes, it's hard to show it as much as you want because of work etc.)
ReplyDeletei grew up in a home with somewhat reversed gender roles. both parents did stuff around the house, but dad was home when i got home from school and mom worked more. needless to say, i'm definitely not one of the statuses you see on facebook...haha :-)
You bring up some very good points!! And I agree with Beef...you can't be a bad wife if you are worrying about it (and taking the time to do so!).
ReplyDeleteScott and I have really nontraditional roles...or at least we seem to think so. While I always wash the dishes, he usually cooks...because he enjoys it! I can't believe my luck! My best friend is looking for prince charming and that's one of the things she is looking for in a man...he has to be a good cook. Here, I married an awesome cook and didn't even know it. He reminds me of Bobby Flay in the kitchen...haha! But we work as a team and even though some girls would think that it's weird that I don't cook as much, it works for us and that's the most important thing! That's what marriage is...learning what works for you and your spouse...or that's what it seems to me and I'm only 105 days in!
A lot of people want to throw out the verses in the Bible that say the man is the head and then just forget that the man must love his wife like God loves the Church...those are some pretty big shoes to fill and no one focuses on that.
From what I can tell...you're doing a fabulous job as a wifey! : )
You are not a bad wife! You aren't even 6 months into your marriage. It takes a long time to figure out "roles". Of course, since I stay at home, it's my job to cook and clean. And it's been almost 4 years since I've worked, and I'm just starting to embrace this "job." (Not that I didn't love staying home with my babies, just not the cooking and cleaning part.)
ReplyDeleteEven when I did work, I still did all the housework. (And not very well!) Chad worked a lot more than me and we are very traditional as far as marriage goes. Does that mean we are right and there is no other way? Nope, we are just old-fashioned and it works for us.
If you think Kevin should help around the house, you should talk to him about it. Get him to do all the laundry instead of just yours! :)
Thanks ladies! I feel a lot better now! haha!
ReplyDeleteBeef, my dad was always home in the mornings to help us get ready. He'd even curl my bangs for me when I was too little to do it! haha!
Jade, I need Scott to talk to Kevin for me! I'd love for Kevin to cook a nice, warm meal. haha!
Kelli, it still amazes me to hear you weren't as put together as I thought you were. I just have to laugh at your comments sometimes! They certainly make me feel better!